Those Phrases shared by A Dad That Rescued Me during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good place. You must get some help. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to communicate among men, who often hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - going on a few days away, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their pain, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."